Dear Bio Dad

Letter to my son’s biological dad:


Dear Sir,

In recognition of Father’s Day, I was asked if I would consider writing you a letter.  My first inclination was to decline the request.  Selfishly, I decided to take on the challenge because I think the experience might provide me with some sort of cathartic resolution.  Perhaps, writing this letter will lend to my spiritual growth?

With full transparency, I harbor a great deal of resentment, anger and even hatred towards you.  I understand pregnancies are a biological fact of life, planned or otherwise.  I don’t know the circumstances around the birth of my son.  On some level, I want to be able to offer you some grace and compassion.  Intellectually, I understand that not everyone is cut out for fatherhood and you were not prepared or capable of assuming those demands.  However, my son suffered horrific neglect and abuse for which you are directly responsible.  The trauma he endured will last a lifetime and affect generations.  I do not, cannot and will not forgive you.

Yet, somewhere deep down, I do have some sort of gratitude in my heart.  My life is richer because of my son and I am a better man as a result.  In every aspect, my son is truly a remarkable human being.  Despite all the trauma he’s endured, he somehow survived the abuse with a sense of compassion and empathy towards others that is nothing less than extraordinary.  I don’t know how this amazing character trait developed but proudly accept my responsibility to help nurture his gifts.

Without question, he is the greatest joy of my life.  I have a deep sense of pride watching him grow into a young adult and make his way through the world.  Our journey will be long and convoluted.  While I don’t know what the future holds, I will be beside him – every step of the way.

I do not wish you ill-will.  But, I do hope you accept responsibility, host remorse and somehow find a way to live a better life.

I humbly recognize Father’s Day with a salute to all the other dads out there who work hard, every day, to create bright futures for our children.






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